I just wrote about this last week: Then it occurred to me - if I couldn’t work out how to correctly “do human”, then getting away from said human must be the answer! Enter the Spirituality Era. Any way to transcend and escape the suck-ish feelings and go “somewhere up there” was the aim of the game. Awakening, enlightenment, my own “big bang theory” – gimme, gimme, gimme. Alas, here we are, on this physical planet, in these bodies, with these minds - there seemed no escaping it.
I must admit I am slightly addicted to those feelings too. I love seeing myself in a new light. And also feeling a new love for myself. I think that’s been the biggest lesson for me. At first I saw those older versions of myself as something I wasn’t proud of. And just wanted to kind of forget about those versions of me. But now I love all those versions of me. I have so much love for who I was. Who I’m becoming. And who I’ll continue to evolve into. Knowing that those patterns will continue to be there…they’ll just show up slightly differently and I’ll still love that version of me who found herself with each layer. Love your message and love you girl. Keep shining. ✨
I see this in the way you show up, so real and raw and vulnerable, lighting the way for others to be their messy, ‘becoming’ selves because you know it’s nothing to be ashamed of, forever inspired by you (and yes I can’t sleep, too much ovulation energy coursing through my veins haha).
Haha yes, it’s really come to the front every month but this month especially. Am I hoping one day I’ll just stop being human? Ummm that is definitely not the point hehe.
I’ve spent years moving through spaces where there was this underlying promise that if you did enough healing, enough workshops, enough courses, enough inner work, blah blah blah eventually you’d arrive somewhere.
Where? I still don’t know babe 😂
But I know now I was trying to become some permanently regulated woodland creature that never got triggered by anything ever again. 😂 Unfortunately for everyone though, I remain aggressively human. 🙄😂
And what’s funny and what people seem to miss is some of the most transformative moments of my life haven’t happened inside healing containers or trying to heal at all.
They’ve happened sitting beside my baby nephew while he received life-saving chemotherapy and raising my children, loving people, losing people, rebuilding my life.
In those moments I wasn’t seeking enlightenment or trying to “transcend” my humanity. I was right in the fucking middle of it, and looking back, those experiences changed me just as much, if not more, than any breakthrough ever has.
I think the difference now is that when old wounds resurface, I don’t automatically assume I’ve failed or gone backwards.
I just think, Ah, here you are again. There is a little more compassion and a lot more self-trust now. I’d love to see a day where more of us knew, like deeply know, that’s enough.♥️
Finally just gave this a read & firstly I want to say I love how distinct your voice is in your story - even though I don't personally know you, it feels as if we are two friends having a thought provoking discussion at the table regarding how we scooped ourselves back right after another dark night of the soul.
There was a point in my life I could definitively say I wanted to use "healing" as a placeholder for doing the REAL work so that I may better erase my humanity - that part is so true! And then that bred a deeper disdain for humanity & those around me, because even performing the ritual acts others considered to be "healing" did not heal me.
What heals me most is monk-like silent reflection when my thetawaves are rockin' most bodaciously. Breakthroughs in my mind feel more like when you tear the perforation on the medicine: like I've slowly connected and clicked into a previously unseen line that aligns "thought" with "experience." But you're right, those revelations for a long time only produced more suffering, because self-awareness without traction is still running in place.
But the breakthroughs are, for me, being given awareness to something I may have glossed over before. A keen example of a "breakthrough" I had the other day was regarding an interpersonal relationship but these kinds of revelations are like what you've described here because they involve a third party: I can't break that cycle on my own so inevitably it repeats itself. I'm just now more aware of it.
Forever chasing that addictive high of expanding one's consciousness, even if the insight gleaned isn't really one you can take with you. Thanks for the this piece - really gave me a lot to think about!
It touched something deep within and brought a sense of comfort and peace.
Love to hear that thank you
I just wrote about this last week: Then it occurred to me - if I couldn’t work out how to correctly “do human”, then getting away from said human must be the answer! Enter the Spirituality Era. Any way to transcend and escape the suck-ish feelings and go “somewhere up there” was the aim of the game. Awakening, enlightenment, my own “big bang theory” – gimme, gimme, gimme. Alas, here we are, on this physical planet, in these bodies, with these minds - there seemed no escaping it.
🫠🫠🫠 I love this! I also think we needed that part of our journey to fully accept our humanity and be present in this life 😍💫
I must admit I am slightly addicted to those feelings too. I love seeing myself in a new light. And also feeling a new love for myself. I think that’s been the biggest lesson for me. At first I saw those older versions of myself as something I wasn’t proud of. And just wanted to kind of forget about those versions of me. But now I love all those versions of me. I have so much love for who I was. Who I’m becoming. And who I’ll continue to evolve into. Knowing that those patterns will continue to be there…they’ll just show up slightly differently and I’ll still love that version of me who found herself with each layer. Love your message and love you girl. Keep shining. ✨
I see this in the way you show up, so real and raw and vulnerable, lighting the way for others to be their messy, ‘becoming’ selves because you know it’s nothing to be ashamed of, forever inspired by you (and yes I can’t sleep, too much ovulation energy coursing through my veins haha).
Hahaha I love this. Gotta take that ovulation energy while we can! 🤍 thank you so so much girl. You inspire me too friend. In so many ways. ✨🥹
I love this Lisa! These layers are so subtle aren’t they? Gosh I love how really walking the path makes us more and more human
Haha yes, it’s really come to the front every month but this month especially. Am I hoping one day I’ll just stop being human? Ummm that is definitely not the point hehe.
Your title had a healing effect on me.
Oh gosh, yup.
I’ve spent years moving through spaces where there was this underlying promise that if you did enough healing, enough workshops, enough courses, enough inner work, blah blah blah eventually you’d arrive somewhere.
Where? I still don’t know babe 😂
But I know now I was trying to become some permanently regulated woodland creature that never got triggered by anything ever again. 😂 Unfortunately for everyone though, I remain aggressively human. 🙄😂
And what’s funny and what people seem to miss is some of the most transformative moments of my life haven’t happened inside healing containers or trying to heal at all.
They’ve happened sitting beside my baby nephew while he received life-saving chemotherapy and raising my children, loving people, losing people, rebuilding my life.
In those moments I wasn’t seeking enlightenment or trying to “transcend” my humanity. I was right in the fucking middle of it, and looking back, those experiences changed me just as much, if not more, than any breakthrough ever has.
I think the difference now is that when old wounds resurface, I don’t automatically assume I’ve failed or gone backwards.
I just think, Ah, here you are again. There is a little more compassion and a lot more self-trust now. I’d love to see a day where more of us knew, like deeply know, that’s enough.♥️
Finally just gave this a read & firstly I want to say I love how distinct your voice is in your story - even though I don't personally know you, it feels as if we are two friends having a thought provoking discussion at the table regarding how we scooped ourselves back right after another dark night of the soul.
There was a point in my life I could definitively say I wanted to use "healing" as a placeholder for doing the REAL work so that I may better erase my humanity - that part is so true! And then that bred a deeper disdain for humanity & those around me, because even performing the ritual acts others considered to be "healing" did not heal me.
What heals me most is monk-like silent reflection when my thetawaves are rockin' most bodaciously. Breakthroughs in my mind feel more like when you tear the perforation on the medicine: like I've slowly connected and clicked into a previously unseen line that aligns "thought" with "experience." But you're right, those revelations for a long time only produced more suffering, because self-awareness without traction is still running in place.
But the breakthroughs are, for me, being given awareness to something I may have glossed over before. A keen example of a "breakthrough" I had the other day was regarding an interpersonal relationship but these kinds of revelations are like what you've described here because they involve a third party: I can't break that cycle on my own so inevitably it repeats itself. I'm just now more aware of it.
Forever chasing that addictive high of expanding one's consciousness, even if the insight gleaned isn't really one you can take with you. Thanks for the this piece - really gave me a lot to think about!
Wow, beautifully written. Deeply resonated with this 🤍
Aw thank you, there’s always deeper more subtle layers of doing this hey!
absolutely! so looking forward to continuing to read your beautiful words!